Edward and Zero
by Masaki-Hanabusa
Summary: Edward Cullen. A vampire. Zero Kiryu. A vampire as well as a vampire hunter. You can figure out the rest. Edward Cullen fangirls beware. Sorry, I couldn't think of a good title.


A/N: I am an anti twilight fan. A big anti twilight fan. If you go gaga for sparkly vampires, then click the back button. Or you know, keep reading anyway. It's you're choice. I was at school the other day and noticed a boy was wearing an 'I killed Edward' t shirt while listening to Kanon Wakeshima. Then the idea hit me. I apologize for the way Zero talks about Twilight and its fans. I know not all people who like Twilight are like that. however, some people I know are. So please enjoy!

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"Oh to be a vampire is such a woeful fate!" Edward Cullen sighed dramatically to the sky. Alone in the forest in a small, rainy town was a perfect fate for such a monster. His love, a plain, ordinary, angst filled teenage girl named Bella was to meet him here so he could convince her that he loved her, but he couldn't be near her any longer.

With his incredible hearing abilities, he heard a twig snap somewhere close by.

"Bella? Bella is that you?" Edward called out, waiting for the girl to run up to him and ask him to destroy her eternal soul. "Be-"

Bang

His call had been greeted by a bullet. He had moved just in time and it only grazed his shoulder. However, it wasn't an ordinary he wasn't one to show pain, however it felt like every part of him had been set on fire. He was surprised to hear himself groan and fall to one knee.

"Edward Cullen. Age...older than he looks. Bitten by a Carilile Cullen," a male voice came from somewhere in the treetops. A figure jumped down from above, landing softly on his feet. He was a teenage boy with silver hair and a black, school uniform. On his neck was an unusual tattoo. In his hand was a gun with the words 'Bloody Rose' written on the side.

"Who are you?" Cullen hissed. "Another crazed Team Jacob fan?"

"What the hell? NO!" the boy shouted back. "I am Zero Kiryu. The person who is going to kill you."

"You're going to kill me? That's ridiculus! I haven't hurt anyone. Except for a couple of vampires and cute cuddly animals. Other than that, no one!"

"I'm killing you because you are destined to fall to level E," Zero explained, aiming the gun for Edward's head. "And you do hurt people. Anyone with a brain who reads Twilight ends up in the hospital with brain damage."

"What the hell is a level E? You can't kill me! I'm Edward Cullen. My fangirls would commit mass suicide if anything happened to me! I'm like a god!"

"Well, that's sort of like a bonus. All Edward fans do is scream kyah, kyah, kyah, and brutally attack Jacob fans. Its like they're trying to start a religion. I'm doing the world a favor," Zero said with a smile.

"NO ST-"

Bang!

Edward Cullen's lifeless body fell to the forest floor. Zero's arm lower to his side and he examined his work. Zero couldn't help grin.

"EDWARD!" came a female voice from behind Kiryu. A plain brunette girl ran out, pushing Zero out of her way. She threw herself onto the boy's corpse, sobbing hysterically.

"How could you! How could you kill such a beautful vampire! He was supposed to destroy my soul so we could live happily for all eternity, slowly building up enough followers to destroy the world. Forget I said that last part." Bella cried. Then when she looked at the vampire hunter, she stopped.

"What?" Zero asked annoyed.

"You're Zero Kiryu." she said. Zero, a bit confused on how she knew him, nodded.

"Oh my god! I-I love you. I've read the entire manga when I was depressed," she gushed.

"So you read it everyday?" Bella stood up and opened her arms wide, as if waiting for a hug.

"What are you doing?"

"Waiting for you to confess your undying love for me!" she explained as cheerfully as somebody like Bella can. "You're a mythical vampire with a dark past and are a threat to the people who care about you. And you're good looking. And I'm Bella. Good looking angsty mythical creatures flock to me like moths to a flame. I love you so much Zero. I can't imagine my life without you. I'd die. Please tell me you love me. Or else I'll go find Jacob and say that I love him but not nearly as much as you or Edward. So please-"

Snap.

Bella Swan's lifeless body fell to the forest floor. Snapping necks was not his normal method of killing, but the Bloody Rose didn't work on her. Not until book three and there was no way in hell he would wait that long.

"God, I hate twilight."

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A/N: The stuff I come up with in school. I wish for the day that Edward and Bella are truly murdered. It would be a cause for celebration.

I've been more anti twilight ever since I saw Vampires Sucks (loved it btw). I have also seen some good anti twilight t shirts. "Team Edward" and it has the much better Edward Scissorhands. "Real Men Don't Sparkle", "I killed Edward", and "And so Buffy staked Edward". These bring me joy.

Thank you for reading and please review on the way out. Hell, for something like this, go ahead and flame if it makes you feel any better. Whichever you like. Thank you again.


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